Wisdom from Larry the Cable Guy

1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
10. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
11. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
12. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
13. Ok, so what's the speed of dark?
14. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
15. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
16. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
17. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
18. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "what the heck happened?"
19. Just remember--if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
20. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
21. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.